TO BE

As we continue to journey through our Beth Moore study at church I have become more and more introspective.  It had been quite some time since I took a true look at who I am and I want to be and today it just seemed to fit.

1.  I am a child of God.

• I gave my life to Christ when I was five, rededicated myself to His work at 13 and  remained basically stagnant until Grace was born at 26wks.  Nothing makes you lean on God like seeing your child in danger.   

2. I am a wife and a mother.

• Buck and I have been married for eight years in June and are blessed with two girlies, Grace 6 and Ansley 3.  Are we done?  I don't know but thanks for asking

3.  I am teacher.

• I teach at the small private academy that Grace attends.  I was in a private school from K-3 and truly feel it gave me the foundation in faith that has allowed me to weather the storms of life.  So to say I am thrilled to be able to help others...HUGE understatement.

4.  I am a daughter and a sister.

• Our family is extremely close knit and not a day goes by that I am not thankful for how that has shaped me as an individual.

5.  I am a perfectionist.

• This has it's ups and downs and I feel like I am finally starting to be able to let some things go.  Just some though so don't get any ideas.

6.  I am procrastinator.

• This is especially difficult taking into account #5.  I really want to be one of those people that makes lists and actually checks items off.  I make them...that counts for something right?

7.  I am a runner. 

•  Not a great one mind you but I still run.  There is something so releasing about tying your shoes, putting your headphones in, and just running.  I have determined it's quality time with me so it MUST happen.  Have any suggestions for the play list?  Help a sister out because after about four runs the same music gets tired.

8.  I am fiercely independent.

• This is a strength and a weakness in my book.  Asking for help just doesn't come naturally to me.  Does that make it right?  No, but it is what it is.  

9.  I am a miscarriage survivor.  

• When I look back at things that shaped my outlook on life, losing two babies before we had Grace was definitely one of them.  Getting pregnant is easy...staying that way not so much for us at least.

10.  I am a reader.

• When filling out the 14pg (no joke) application to work at IDA I had to list the books I read that year.  I gave up at 48.  Funny thing now that I teach I don't have time...

11.  I am a crafter.

• I LOVE all things crafty and my mind is constantly running with ideas for new and fun things to try. 

Now what do I want to be?

I want to be...

• Someone that is completely and utterly sold out for God and my family.  
• Someone who takes the time to invest in people not things. 
• Someone who is more concerned with making memories than cleaning messes. 
• Someone who loves deeply and holds closely.
• Someone who enjoys the journey instead of focusing on the destination.
• Someone who sees the good instead of only the bad.
• Someone who embraces what life throws my way and comes out better for it.

Looks like my to do list just got longer ha!!!!

CARNIVAL

About a week ago we had the AWESOME opportunity to shoot with Ashley Marie Photography at the carnival.  Grace had a blast and I was dumbfounded when the pics were posted.  My baby girl turned 16 overnight!  Ashley rocked as usual and we can't wait to shoot with her again :)

AHHHHH where does the time go?

LUNCH FUN

I have been working REALLY hard on making sure that the small amount  of free time that I do have is maximized by cutting out distractions.  TV and FB have been put on the back burner as I try to re prioritize all of the "little things" in life.  Anyone with me?  Some days I feel like I am missing out on my life because I am so wrapped up in other peoples.  

So anyway this morning I woke up at 4:30, ran 2.25 miles before the hubs left for work, and then started making lunches.  The extra time afforded me the ability to get creative.  :)  I purchased these food writers on a whim and was so glad I did!

After using a biscuit cutter to remove the crusts I decided to make a caricature of each girlie.  I am sure these would work better on a smooth surface but they are still cute and most importantly they will make Grace and Faith smile!

UNFINISHED

I swear I should wear a shirt that says “Unfinished.”  And although I guess I wouldn’t ever want to wear one that says “Finished” because that would imply that I had arrived which is most certainly NOT the case, sometimes, maybe even one time, I would like to feel like I actually completed what I set out to do.

I look around our home and see books with only chapters left to finish, devotions with the final week incomplete, skirts without hems, sketches without products, recipes without meals, supplies without projects…  My lists grow by the minute hour day but I just can’t seem to cross anything off and it’s frustrating.  Almost more so than if I were to not have the ideas at all.  I always stop RIGHT before the end goal is achieved and I have NO clue as to why.  It’s not as if the concepts and thoughts no longer hold value in fact their unfinished status haunts me at night.  Yet I can’t bring myself to cross the finish line. 

Maybe just maybe it’s because I can’t see what is beyond that line.  Perhaps I become so fixated on the process itself that when I am unable to determine the aftermath it becomes daunting.  What if I fail, what if I fall, what if I can’t.  The fear of the unknown is gripping yet I am faced with only two choices…DO something or DO nothing and doing nothing is NOT an option.  So I am UNFINISHED and so are all of my projects, ideas, and aspirations but it is in my state of disarray that God moves and shapes and molds me into His idea of perfection.  And maybe, just maybe that’s how I am supposed to be.