REJECTED

It always amazes me how much the little things hurt.  Our family has been fighting colds and ear infections, teething and coughs, for the past week.  Needless to say we have spending a TON of time indoors and were all going a bit stir crazy, so on Sunday I offered to take Grace out with me.  I had to go grocery shopping which, I will admit is not the most exciting outing ever but, I figured we could go grab a coke and just hang out for a bit. 

Anyway, I told her that if she took a really good nap she could come.  She proceeded to ask about the hubs and Faith and when I informed her that it would be just the two us her face fell.  “But I love my daddy” was her response and she began to pout.  Oh, how my heart hurt at that moment.  She is only 5 yet still her words cut me like a knife. 

I would love to say that I just let the words roll off my back but I promised to be real.  I felt like I was in Jr. high again and that no one wanted to be my friend.  This was not how this was supposed to work!  We were supposed to go shopping, sing and play games, laugh at stupid jokes.  Immediately I withdrew from the situation not wanting to acknowledge the fact that my little girl didn’t want to hang out with her mom.  As I look back it wasn’t that she didn’t want to hang out with me, it was in fact that she wanted to hang out as a family.  Unfortunately, my perspective was skewed by my hurt and I failed to see anything but it. 

As I struggled to find the words and the appropriate response I was struck by my own rejection of God, perhaps, not in such a bold fashion, but in my everyday actions for sure.  Did His heart ache when I chose earthly “things” over my quiet time with Him?  Did He want nothing more than for me to want to spend time in His presence?  My insides twisted as I realized the pain I had caused my Lord. 

Grace and I did go out and in fact we ended up having a really good time.  She apologized and so did I but I don’t think that I will ever forget how I felt that day.  And in many ways I hope that I don’t.  Because when the feeling of rejection is fresh we are so much open to the fact that God is always there with arms wide open just waiting for us to say, “I’m sorry” I hope I am too.