F

On my journey to lead a "thanks" filled life I knew that there would be tests.  What I didn't realize it how soon they would come and how badly I would fail.

This morning I woke up, readied the girls for school, set out their breakfast, and then went to get ready myself.  Not five minutes later Grace came running into the bathroom to tell me that she had spilt her milk...yet again.  You see that situation wasn't placed into "THANKFUL" lightly, spills are an everyday occurrence in our household. 

 As I ran to evaluate the damage done I kept repeating "Just be thankful, just be thankful" and at first glance I was.  It didn't seem bad at all...until I looked down.  Milk COVERED the floor and I lost it. 

By the time the mess was cleaned up and the dishes were put away we were both in tears.  Grace, because she was in trouble.  Me, because I was in trouble.  The Lord was already dealing with my heart and I knew that I would need to ask for Grace's forgiveness.  The offense didn't warrant the response at all.  

So as I held my little girl in my arms, we discussed what had taken place and what would have been a better way to handle the situation.  Her arms wrapped tightly around my neck I asked for her to forgive me.  She said yes with tear stained cheeks and asked me to forgive her as well.  She summed the whole mess up in just 11 words.  "I shouldn't have spilled the milk, you shouldn't have gotten angry."

Even though the mess is cleaned up and the tears have been wiped away, this morning's "stuff" is still on my mind.  If I cannot be thankful over something as trivial as spilled milk how will I ever be able to praise God through the truly rough times?  Perhaps more than anything this morning illustrated that the eyes of my heart will determine the thanks from my mouth.  Therefore in order to live a thanks filled life I must first see with a thanks filled heart.  

"Lord, I want to see." Luke 18:41

MOVIES

The hubs has been working some strange shifts lately so the girls and I decided to have a movie night!

After much debate we headed home with not just one but three selections.  We also stopped and picked up some goodies on our way to make the night that much more fun. 

We decided to begin the evening with Mary Poppins.  The girls LOVED it!  And although due to a scratched CD we missed approx half the movie we still had an amazing time.  Laughing, dancing, and eating the night away.

Faith's cool move again!

Yes we do have designated popcorn cups.  We are just THAT cool!  HA!

Even my sweet momma, who is recovering from shoulder surgery joined in on the fun. 

The girls finished The Princess Diaries today and although it too is a good movie I was suprised by the amount of "stuff" that was in it.  I have a feeling that there will be a ton of OLD movies watched in our house.  Besides it's way more fun to hear Grace singing "A Spoonful of Sugar" than being told constantly..."Excuse madam, I have found the perfect gentleman for you to dance with."

LOVES

I attended a conference last June and during a session that covered the essence of teaching the speaker stated "Your students will love what you love.  They will hate what you hate.  And that truth applies to your children as well, perhaps even more so."  That comment struck me and ever since I have become very aware of those things that I do love and that I should love. 

I have seen the truth of the statment within the classroom.  If I am excited about a text than my students are too.  If I am dreading it, they do as well, before even reading a page.  But the struggle to implement a love of those things with eternal importance has been difficult at home.  After finishing "Revolutionary Parenting" by George Barna it finally dawned on me that, just as I was being intentional with regards to my attitude in class, so I must be at home. 

I began allowing Grace to sit with me as I completed my devotions in the morning and soon after she asked for a devotion of her own.  I began searching the internet for something age appropriate but also mind stretching and I came upon Sarah Young's "Jesus Calling." 

The devotions are short (perfect for a 5yr old) and insightful, always providing scriptural references for the topic being covered.  Grace has learned all of the books of the Bible in school so part of the challenge is for her to figure out whether the reference is from the New or Old Testament.  She does amazingly well and it is reenforcing the knowledge on a daily basis. 

I also started truly listening to the music that was being played in our vehicles and home because there is always something on.  I have a habit of tuning things out and focusing on the beat instead so the lyrics have not been of import.  That is until I heard Grace singing things that would have made me blush in public. After reading a fellow blogger's rave I ordered this

   

And although it obviously is not played 24/7 it has been listened to the point that even Faith will "sing" the tunes.  Never before have I had a CD calm me as this one does.  Even at school, if the little's are having a rough day.  This CD starts to play and within moments a wave of peace has flooded our room. 

I am still trying to figure out how to reconcile the rest of my loves and those things that I want my girls to love

I still love Gilmore Girls and chocolate, sewing and blogging, but most of all I love my God and my family.  My actions need to display that.

I was talking with one of my colleagues about this very subject and he told me a story about his niece.  One day she was asked to draw a picture of her momma.  So she did with her sitting on the couch with her laptop in hand.  I laughed and asked him if she was a graphic artist.  He sadly shook his no and replied that she was a stay at home mom. 

The problem wasn't the computer, the problem was that that was the only way she saw her momma, that was what she felt her momma loved. 

How would your children draw you?

FUNNIES

 Faith has enough personality for seventeen children, okay I may be exaggerating a wee bit but seriously she is filled to the brim with character.   A couple of days ago Grace taught Faith how to say "goatee."  It sounds more like "geetee" but that is beside the point.  Anyway I had given her a highlighter to color with and Grace ran into the living room to inform me that Faith had drawn on herself.  I was thinking a line on her face or arm...never in a million years did I expect the hubs to bring this little girl to me.

I couldn't stop laughing!  Apparently the goatee thing stuck in more way than one!

Quick side note.  The hubs took her into the bathroom to show her what she looked like.  He said she did a double take and then started crying.  Hopefully we won't be seeing any more of these in the near future!

Later on we were getting ready to leave so we could attend my grandmothers birthday dinner.  We had asked Grace to get dressed so she knew it almost time to go.  After finishing the task given to her she runs to find me "Faith doesn't have any socks on so she can't go."  I went looking for Faith so I could remedy the situation.  This is EXACTLY how she was dressed.  I think that socks were the least of our problems!

Oh the mind of a 5 year old!

FAMILY

We met the hubs for dinner last night so I thought it would be fun to snap a few pics. 

FunNY perhaps....

No Daddy.

Tongue out.

 Mouth open.

US

THANKFUL

I am currently reading "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp as part of the Bloom online book club.  The book was far different than anticipated and after struggling through the first two chapters I am now hooked.  The primary focus of the book is the discovery of a "thanks" filled life.  It has really made me evaluate my daily attitude and I was saddened to realize that instead of focusing on the gifts that God has given me I was honing in on the imperfections of my life.  But we should not expect a perfect life for we live in a fallen world, a world filled with ingratitude and I want to be different...

When I am tired and frustrated that I have to get out of bed....

I will be thankful that I can.

When I the hubs is working and I am running the house by myself...

I will be thankful that he has a job that provides for our family.

When the girls are fighting and I want to cry...

I will be thankful that God entrusted them to me.

When it has been a such a "day"at school that we ran out of worms...

I will be thankful that I have the opportunity to spend my days investing in the lives of children.

When I am upset over spilled milk...

I will be thankful that we have milk to spill.
.

When my heart is burdened for my friends as they struggle with difficult news...

I will be thankful that my God is BIG, bigger than any sickness or diagnosis.
.

When I am just me....

I WILL BE THANKFUL

30 to Play

We are now roughly 3 weeks into this experiment and although there have been times that life gets in the way it truly is changing our family from the inside out.  One thing that I am coming to realize as we make this a part of our daily routine is that there isn't a set of rules that I have to follow.  We are implementing it in ways that work the best for us and I am so excited about what I have seen so far. 

Lately 30 to Play has been full of...

DANCING!

(Check out Faith's cool move!)

SINGING

T-R-O-U-B-L-E

Serious dicussions regarding the correct way to count your game spaces.

DRAWING 

Our Family Portrait...in chalk.

We are constantly searching for new and fun things to try but most of all we are enjoying our time together.  After all Life's all about the SMALL things.

BOXED IN

"God is much less interested in right circumstances
than in right responses to whatever comes your way" 
Sarah Young

I have been struggling since last Friday with the topic of the post...partly because to me it is an admission of failure but mostly due to the fact that to write it down is to truly acknowledge the occurence.  However, my devotion this morning tackled the topic of perfection and it's illusions and I came to realize that is is not about the facade it's about the truth.

Last Friday the hubs met me for lunch with Faith in tow and to say that she was in a "mood" would be the understatement of the year.  She threw a full on screaming mimi right before I arrived, laying on the floor, flaying, crying as loud as possible, the whole nine yards.  It was so bad in fact that the restaurant workers gave her a toy to try and make the madness stop. 

By the time I walked in they were both seated in a booth with our food.  Faith's face was red with tear streaked cheeks and the hubs was not the happiest person I have ever seen, rightfully so.  After bringing me up to date on what had taken place we began discussing the need to break this pattern.  Grace is very easy going and willing to please, Faith is very determined and could care less about what you think as long as she gets her way and when she doesn't WATCH OUT.  We had always laughed about her temper knowing that problems were going to arise but after being slapped full on in the face with them it was time for action.

As I looked over at her, still whimpering in the corner (all because her daddy wouldn't let her hang on the rails) I began thinking that a large part of this was our fault.  She wasn't feeling well so we probably shouldn't have tried it.  She was cutting teeth so we probably shouldn't have tried it.  It was nap time so we probably shouldn't have tried it.  I voiced the thoughts that were racing through my head my honey looked at me and said "You can't just make excuses for her." 

He was right of course, this is also the child that will flail over the side of the grocery store cart when I won't give her the alcohol wipe that I just used to wipe the nastiness off with.  The child that will smack her sister in the head when she takes a toy that she wanted to play with and run around a restaurant instead of sitting in her chair.  It would be different if this was a one time occurrence but it was not, it was indeed one of many.

Still I couldn't shake the feeling that in truth these were typical two year old behaviors.  Now, I am not saying in any shape or form that they are okay but they are typical and the real problem was not the behavior it was the way it made us feel.  Anyone who is a parent can testify to the fact that is downright embarrassing to be with your child when this occurs.  Thoughts of running away or saying things like "I can't wait to take you back to your mom" float through your head.  Why?  We have all been there.  Is it because we were pious enough to truly believe that our child "Would NEVER act like that."   HA!

Stay with me here I know this getting long...

    I looked over at my husband and said the "The issue is that she is trying to break out of the box."  The box is literal of course but it's truth.  We carry around this pretty little box and lift the lid to show off what is inside.  Then when we put the lid back on and move about our daily lives until it becomes convenient to take the box out again.  The problems occur when our children no longer fit the box. 

Grace always did until recently.  Never before did we have to deal with issues of outburst in a public place, rarely did we deal with any backtalk or rebellion.  However, she is now testing those boundaries, asserting that she is fact her own person, with her own ideas, with her own tastes.  Good on her, bad on me for putting her in there to begin with.  Faith is already testing those boundaries and what will come I don't know but I do know that I am tired of the box. 

  As all of this was swirling around in my head a song from children's church came to mind.  You know the one..."If I had a little red box to put my Savior in."  And I started thinking about how many times we do this with God as well.  We try to put Him in a box and carry Him around to show off when things are going great.  Then put Him back in the box when we aren't proud of what's taking place in our lives only to search frantically for Him when things have gone so wrong that there is no way we can fix them on our own.

Although simple in concept the idea of destroying the boxes it is much more complex in reality.  Heaven knows I have looked at a the kid in Wal-Mart screaming because they can't get a toy and rolled my eyes.  And I too have tried to box God into the perfect little space in my life.  There when if I need Him, closed away when I think I can handle it on my own. 

Destroying the boxes means living life in spite of the embarrassment and perhaps lending a helping hand or encouraging to word to the mom of "that" kid (even if that day it happens to be you) and allowing God to be BIG, permeating every inch of your life not just the pigeon hole you typically delegate.  I know it isn't going to be easy but the rewards will be great so I am going to try it and am hoping you will try it with me.

SICK

Our house is sick...Faith still doesn't feel well and now Grace is hacking.  The hubs and I are just trying to keep up with the extra laundry and strange requests.  For instance Faith wanted Cheetos for dinner and Grace chose a PopTart for breakfast instead of a muffin, oatmeal, grapefruit, or a thousand other healthier options.  I am starting to realize that sometimes it just not worth the fight...

So this is life...30 to play won't always work and I am struggling with feeling like a failure.  However, there is no way that this SHOULD look and I need to remind myself of that.  This didn't start with strict perameters stating that we had be outside having active play or inside playing with dolls.  This was a God given idea and I need to let go of the legalism and instead grab on to the concept.  Today 30 to play is me and two sick girlies curled up on the couch watching "Ninnie" (Mickey Mouse Clubhouse) and Word World.   

And you know what?  That's ok.

Complicated

I would love to say that we had a FABULOUS night, that we played, that we laughed, that we got to bed way too late, simply because we were enjoying our time together.  Unfortunately, fairy tales don't exist and our lives are not anywhere near their perfection so tonight was less than amazing.  The majority of it was my fault because, let's get real here, after you cut your hair only to discover that you look exactly like you did when you were 12, it's just not the best start to an evening.  So the hubs took the lead, told me that "It's not terrible" and ran into town to grab supper.  (12 yr olds can't cook remember?)

We bathed our bunnies...

and then settled in for some "Fancy Nancy."

This is were things became complicated...you see not only am I Grace's mom but I am also Grace's teacher meaning that she hears at home in the morning, at school during the day, at home in the afternoon, and during the evening.  We are with one another pretty much ALL day and although this is a TRUE blessing most of the time.  Times like tonight make it hard.  Grace has been taught to read phonetically so her arsenal of sight words is small but rapidly expanding as she becomes more fluent.  She however, does not realize this and tries to breeze through books inserting, skipping, ad libbing, whatever it takes to not have to actually READ the word.  I think if I didn't see her at school and know the actual skill set that she has then this wouldn't bother me but it drives me NUTS!  Everything takes 12 (yes, I know stuck on that number again) times longer than it should because we have to read each word over and over again. 

 See, even Faith was over it.

As we both became more and more frustrated I realized that this was not what 30 to play was about so we called it a night.  I guess it dawned on me that 30 minutes simply for the sake of 30 minutes is pointless.  To enjoy the time we have together is much more important and somehow I am going to have to turn off the teacher and just be mom for her sake and for mine. 



Apparently, "Ninnie" is one of the girls too. 



Bubbles

Grace was at gymnastics and Faith wasn't feeling well so 30 to play was rather low key last night.  Faith is a very entergetic child that rarely wants to be held and can only sit still for minutes at a atime so we knew when she wanted to be held all afternoon that this was the real deal.  She looked so sad that I started searching the house for something that just might make things better...for a minute or two at least. 

After searching through the magic closet of wonders I found a HUGE set of bubbles.  She was thrilled!  She just kept running back and forth saying "Bubbals! Bubbals! Mo?"  It made my heart sing to see her smiling face and I was relieved to know that know matter the day bubbles still make all the bad things float away.

It's About Time...

Today was one of "those" days were my list of to do's was much longer than my list of got dones.  I don't know about anyone else but that frustrates me to no end.  I struggled with feeling as though the day was wasted simply due to the fact that not everything was crossed off.  As I sat folding yet another load of laundry (I am still staring at one, my daily limit is 5) it dawned on me that many of the items on my list were wants not needs.  I wanted to make a case for my Kindle, I wanted to get Faith's cow and Grace's sock monkey made, I wanted to take a nap...none of those wants were in and of themselves bad.  However, when they stressed me to the point of snapping, perhaps it was time to distinguish the difference between what needed to be done and what I wanted to get done.  

After wrestling with the perfectionist that perches on my shoulder and tries to convince me that sleep is a luxury not a necessity, I came to the conclusion that there are very little needs in my life.  

• I need to spend time in God's word.
• I need to spend quality time with my husband.
• I need to spend time with my girls every, single day.

Now I realize that that is probably a bit simplistic.  I mean we need clean clothes and we need food on the table but when I really took a look at the ways I was spending my time, I wasn't spending it, I was wasting it, on "things" that have no eternal significance.  My girls won't remember that our house was always clean or  that dinner was on the table at 5:30pm (ha) but they will remember whether or not their mom thought that they were important enough to put all of those things aside to just play. 

So tonight my list is left undone but my heart is full because instead of tackling another task we played.... 



and as I looked at the joy that was so evident on the girl's faces as they moved their little men around the board I felt like the Lord was whispering "See Bethany, it's about time..."

Grace

This morning our Sunday School class was discussing prayer and the power it has in our lives.  We were kind of flying by the seat of our pants because our regular leader was out of town and our substitute was having a rough morning so we were all just sharing stories of how we have seen God's hand at work.  My friend Amanda and I both shared of our daughter's births and the complications that followed.  After the class we were talking and she brought up the fact that she can't tell her daughter's story without tearing up and how she was a bit amazed that even five years removed the same applied to me.  No one would ever guess that this little girl...

began life like this...

Grace was born at 26wks 2days and weighed only 2.7lbs.  She was delivered at a hospital that was not equipped to handle her needs so she was transported to a Level 3 NICU by ambulance.  Unfortunately, during transit she experienced both a grade III and a grade IV intraventricular hemorrhage (brain bleed). Grade IV is the worst and after the head ultrasound was complete the outlook we were given was bleak.  I remember telling my mom that I wished I drank because I could sure use a margarita.  It sounds funny now but I just wanted to check out, leave that moment, wake up from the bad dream. 

We were told that she might never walk, that she might never talk, that she most likely would have cerebral palsy, that she might be blind, that she might be deaf...the list goes on and on.  Most women dream of the day that they have their own child to hold and love on.  The dream never goes like that.  So I grieved the loss of the dream but I never doubted the goodness of God.  I never asked why, because in all fairness why not?  At least the hubs and I had a relationship with the Lord and where surrounded by prayer.  I can't even fathom going through that without His love.  

 

Grace's passage Psalm 71:5-8 became a comfort to us all and still rings true today.  "For thou art my hope O Lord God, thou art my trust from my youth.  By thee have I been held up from the womb, thou art He that took me from my mother's bowels, my praise shall be continually of thee.  I am a wonder unto many but thou art my strong refuge.  Let my mouth be filled with thy praise and thy honor all the day." 

Grace came home after 66 days in the NICU, exactly one month before her original due date.  We were told to expect therapy to be needed until she was at least 3yrs old perhaps much longer.  She was discharged from physical therapy at 18months and speech therapy by the time she was 2.  She has eagle eyes and hears EVERYTHING.  She has not had any problems since being discharged and that can only be attributed to one thing, God's GRACE.

I was talking with my husband when we got home from church, explaining the conversation that took place, and I told him "You know what, I hope that I can't ever tell Grace's story without tearing up.  I don't ever want to become desensitized to what could have been.  And because of God's grace what is."

30 to Play Daddy's Way

Ok, so I know that this post is all about the hubs but I had to redeem myself after that last photo.  See, I really do wear makeup when I am not having a strange reaction to something I passed while jogging that triggered never ending GINORMOUS sneezes and watery eyes that could rival Niagara Falls.  Anyway...

My honey decided it was his turn to take 30 to play and he did it his way!  Love it!  Grace found a Play Dough kit (that we have had for over a year and has never been opened) and asked if they could play.  At this point in time I should point out that I would have most likely said "No" because come on say it with me "It's a mess."  Maybe that's were being a man comes in handy.  He didn't see bits of Play Dough pressed into our carpet, or little fingers sticking it under tables and on top of hard surfaces.  Nope he just saw a fun afternoon with his girl and went for it.  (Sugar Booger was still asleep so she missed out.)

They worked very hard on their creations and I awoke from a much needed nap to find them happily playing, while watching football nonetheless!  They made snakes and planes, dolphins and trains...

But my very favorite?  Me!  In Play Dough form! 

Hee hee, don't you love how Tinkerbell is pulling a Vanna White?  TA DA!